


Why are there so many of me?

by CallmeDJ



Series: Fandom intros/works involving Jay and Dana [5]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Could get a bit confusing, Crack, Crack Crossover, Dadza, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Many many many aus, No Beta We Die Like Endermen, OC is fed up, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, SBI-centric, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Slime hybrid Dream, Swearing, Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), screeching our lungs out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmeDJ/pseuds/CallmeDJ
Summary: A whole bunch of aus in one house. Chaos ensues. (I drafted this back when things were semi peaceful, so Tommy is fresh out of exile, and living with Techno. Also, Dream's a slime hybrid, so... there's your useless info for the day.)
Relationships: All friends here :)
Series: Fandom intros/works involving Jay and Dana [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954306
Comments: 11
Kudos: 68





	1. The chaos begins. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, it's ya boi, back at it again with more crack!  
> I was bored, ok? Don't yell at me!

The first thing that met Phil’s eyes was the back of Technoblade’s head. This was because the piglin hybrid had fallen back against him, clearly knocked out. 

As the shorter man struggled under the weight of his old friend, he noticed a few things.

Number one, he wasn’t in his house in L’manburg anymore, but rather in a small hallway. There were multiple doorways branching off of it, and the whole thing felt like an old house, with a new family living in it. Rather dingy, somewhat tired, and the redstone doesn’t work properly, but a home nonetheless. 

Number two, there was faint chattering coming from down the hallway. It sounded like a conversation, which was odd, as only one voice could be heard.

And number three, which was the realization that he and Techno weren’t alone. Far from it, in fact. There, on the carpet, and in various states of unconsciousness, lay the occupants of the dream smp. 

Tommy, spread eagle, with his right arm and leg pushed under his slim body by the close proximity of the wall. 

Tubbo, who was starting to sit up, looking more exhausted than Phil had ever seen him. He looked up, a mixture of pain, regret, guilt and fear flashed across his face upon seeing Tommy’s prone figure.

Dream, who was adjusting the mask from where it had slipped down his gelatinous face. 

Bad, who had woken up and was checking on Skeppy, who was still out.

Quackety’s beanie had slid down over his eyes, but that didn’t seem to bother him much, judging by the snoring. 

Phil wasn’t quite sure how long that would be going on though, as it looked like George had woken up, and was crawling over Sapnap towards Quackety, seemingly dead set on shutting him up. At least he wasn’t dead. 

Ranboo was awkwardly curled up, his long limbs sprawling about his prone body. 

Eret had jolted upright, and was checking on Niki, who had so far batted away every attempt to wake her, leaving Eret to pick her up by the leg, which resulted in her kicking him, and finally opening her eyes.

The kick sent Eret stumbling, and almost tripping over Fundy, who had curled up on the floor with his tail over his nose. When Eret knocked into him, he made an incredibly dignified squeak, and ended up smushed against the wall.

Ghostbur was floating around Phil and Techno, obviously worried. He seemed to have woken up completely, and was whispering worriedly in Phil’s ear. 

“Is Techno going to be ok? Where are we? What happened?”

Phil sighed, quietly, so as not to wake Techno.

“I don’t know, Ghostbur. I don’t know.” He grunted, shifting the piglin hybrid in his arms. 

“Hey, could you help me lower Techno onto the ground or something? I’m not sure how long I can carry him.”

Ghostbur obliged, helping to lower the tall man to the ground, where he promptly woke up. He groaned.

“Phil..? What happened? Where are we?”

Phil sighed.

“Techno, I really don’t know. I think-”

He was interrupted by Tommy waking up.

Tubbo’s eyes widened. 

“T-Tommy?” 

His voice was full of guilt, sadness and fear, although fear of what, Phil couldn’t quite place. 

Tommy looked at him. “Tubbo?”

The small brunette’s eyes welled up with tears, and he broke down, sobbing out apologies, as he sat crumpled on the ground. He looked… broken, almost. Everyone was painfully reminded that this was a child that they had put in charge of a nation.

Tommy almost immediately launched himself at his oldest and best friend, ensnaring him in a bear hug, whispering words of affirmation in his ear. They were both crying now, and it honestly would have been hard to tell where one stopped and the other began, was it not for the very different clothes. A red and white T-shirt against a stiff suit. Two friends that had been broken and put back together too many times to count. Two children, forced to grow up too fast.

The moment was broken by someone laughing loudly from down the hall, reminding Phil, and everyone else, that they weren’t alone here. 

The two boys separated, although they still remained close.

Unsurprisingly, Tommy spoke first.

“Ok, where the fuck are we? This doesn’t look like anything on the smp.”

Dream spoke next, causing Tommy to flinch and back away ever so slowly.

“Well you’re right there. I can’t say I know where we are, or what happened. I do know that I heard a voice coming from down this hallway, maybe that could be a good place to start?”

Techno smirked.

“They sounded like a kid. Easy enough to intimidate then.”

With that common goal in mind, the group headed down to see what awaited them at the end of the hall.

While they were going, Techno leaned down to Phil’s level.

“Phil. The voices are quiet.”

Phil blinked.

“Really? Just… nothing?”

Techno snorted.

“Yeah. It’s kinda weird to be honest.”

Phil smiled.

“Well, at least that’s one good thing.”

When they got to the door, they heard a girl’s voice.

“Bad. No, no, let me explain.” 

Everyone whipped around to look at Bad, who mouthed “How does she know my name?”

The girl continued.

“Right, so everyone’s just staring at him, it’s like. ‘This is the last swear word on the server, make it count.’ And he just looks at his feet and, very quietly says ‘Crap.’”

Phil thought he heard Bad hiss “Language” under his breath.

The girl let out a laugh.

“Oh, he so would.”

Techno appeared to tire of waiting in the hall doing nothing, and, without further ado, roughly shoved the door open. 


	2. "Oh, that's never good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a wee bit short, but I think I ended it at the right spot.

Techno hadn’t been sure what he expected behind that door. Perhaps someone talking to the air, similar to the odd conversations he himself often ended up having with the voices that seemed to reside in his head. (That is, when they weren’t screaming “E” or yelling about blood.)

What he hadn’t expected, was the small girl sitting in front of some sort of black thing. It was relatively small, fitting on a desk in front of her, and on it was a scene of tall mountains, dark forests, and a cozy-looking cottage perched atop a cliff that had been clumsily terraformed. The scene in the black thing, however inviting it looked, had something… off about it. 

The girl herself had dark brown hair that sat in a basic, utilitarian braid down her back. 

She wore a maroon long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, presumably to stop them from getting in the way, although you could argue that doing that rather defeated the purpose of wearing a long sleeve in the first place. 

On her head, sat twin black semi-spheres, with a strip on top of her head connecting them, and a bit sticking out in front, that she was presumably talking into.

He could tell that it stuck out in front, because when he barged in, she pressed a button on the black thing, pulling up grey in place of the calm forest, and turned around to face him.

She looked startled, taken aback, even annoyed, but only slightly scared, which was odd. Usually, simply having an axe at your belt was enough to scare many adults, much less kids.

The girl’s dark brown eyes flickered around, taking in what little of their group were visible from where she was. 

She sighed, and looked up at Techno.

“Hey, what’s up?” 

Techno gaped at her. 

Before he could get anything out, Tommy elbowed his way to the front.

“Well, yeah, first off, where the fuck are we, second, who the fuck are you, and third, how the  _ fuck  _ are we supposed to get home?!”

The girl smirked at the barrage of questions. She took her time in replying. 

“Ok, so you’re in Canada, more specifically, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, and I’ll tell you now, respawn is  _ not  _ a thing. If you kill someone, that’s it, they're dead. My name is Jay, and you’ll get home eventually. I don’t entirely understand it myself, but that’s how it usually goes.”

Tommy had already opened his mouth to ask more questions, when Jay flinched, and pulled one of the black semi-spheres away from her head.

She glanced up, and seemed to notice their questioning stares.

“I’m being loudly reminded that I am not, in fact, muted, and everyone could hear every word I just said. They are demanding answers, so I’m going to take out the headphones, and turn on my cam, just so they can see what’s going on.”

With that, she pressed some more buttons, and a little image of the gathering in the small bedroom. (Techno hadn’t even noticed, but they were, indeed, in a bedroom, with a small bunk bed in one corner, and every surface crammed with everything, from books, to sewing supplies.)

At the same time, she yanked on a rope-like thing that connected the ‘headphones’ to the black thing.

There were a few seconds of silence, before the black thing erupted with voices and sound. Questions and exclamations and just pure  _ noise  _ assaulted the entire group, with many clutching their ears or gritting their teeth.

At last, Jay managed to make herself heard.

“Everyone, SHUT UP!”

Slowly, the noise died away, until it was at a far more reasonable level.

Jay took a deep breath.

“Ok, calm down the lot of you. There is a time and a place for being feral, and this is neither.”

Jay then turned around, addressing the others.

“Would you mind introducing yourselves?”

“My name is Tommyinnit!”

“I’m Philza, but most people call me Phil.”

“I’m Ghostbur!”

“Technoblade.”

“I go by Dream.”

“My name is Tubbo.”

“Georgenotfound, but I go by George.”

“Sapnap.”

“Badboyhalo, but everyone calls me Bad.”

“Skeppy.”

“Quackety.”

“Eret.”

“Niki.”

“It’s Fundy.”

“I’m, er, Ranboo.”

Jay surveyed the room.

“Ok, and that should be everyone. Alright-” 

She was cut off by a yell from down the hallway.

Her eyes widened slightly.

“Oh, that’s never good.”

And with that worrying statement, she was off, running out of the room and down the hall.

The rest looked at each other, and followed suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *Looks at the number of kudos* *Looks at the number of hits* Is this what it's like to write for an active fandom?
> 
> I'm quite flattered that you guys like this! Kudos and comments fuel my writing, so if you like this, please let me know! If you didn't, tell me what I can improve! I really want to get better at writing, so constructive criticism is welcome!


	3. Tubbo with a crossbow, what will he do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an au that came from a discord that I'm in. (May add the link later, idk.) I'm pretty sure that it doesn't have a proper fic yet, sooo... here.

Tommy was still confused as he ran with the others, albeit in slightly different ways than before.

He was apparently in a world where death was permanent? Sure, why not. He was on his last canon death anyways.

He had no clue where he was in the first place? Story of his life!

He may or may not get home, and even if he could, he had no idea when? He had been doing that barely a week ago!

No, what Tommyinnit was worried about was the scream that had come from down the hall. 

It had sounded like an adult, and it was rather concerning what could make an adult scream like that. 

This, of course, begs the question of why they were all running towards it, but by the time that thought passed through his mind, they had reached a door.

Jay had just walked through. A second later, they heard her talking loudly.

“Tubbo with a crossbow, what will he do? He wiiiillll…. Point it at me, is what he’ll do! Oh god, I’m looking at you, and what the hell have you been doing? Your hair is greasy and disgusting, your clothes are raggedy as fuck, and I’m not even going to  _ start  _ on your face.”

Almost as though he had predicted it, Techno’s hand was clamped over Tommy’s mouth, warning him against saying anything.

There was a thud from behind the door, the sound of skin hitting skin, and a muffled grunt of pain.

Then, Jay spoke again.

“Really. Really? You could have done literally anything to me; shot me, hit me over the head with something, hell, I could have gotten stabbed again, and you  _ punch me in the nose?  _ What was the goal there, huh? A bloody nose is  _ nothing _ .”

Jay raised her voice, addressing the group outside the door.

“I know you guys are wondering exactly what the hell is going on, so you can probably come in. Just be careful.”

To no one’s surprise, Techno went first. He opened the door... 

And stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short, but I wasn't sure how well it would work if I shoved it in with one of the other chapters.  
> (Comments and kudos fuel me <3)


	4. Feral bois go brrrrrr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of my pre-written chapters, so the next one will take a while longer.  
> Enjoy!

When he heard about “Tubbo with a crossbow” Techno probably should have expected something weird. 

What he hadn’t expected was to be faced with the scene that was showed to him now:

Jay, with her back against the wall, and blood dripping from her nose down to her chin, likely too stubborn to wipe it away. 

In front of her was, indeed, Tubbo, only this one was nothing like the one waiting in the hall. 

This one looked… feral. This one looked like someone had taken Tubbo, put him through hell, and then given him a crossbow that looked suspiciously like Techno’s own.

His hair was, indeed, greasy and messy, his clothes were like rags, and his skin was bruised and muddy. 

Just about everyone else was sprawled out on the floor, all in varying degrees of disarray, most with injuries, torn clothes and messy hair (excluding Ghostbur), although not quite to the extent of feral Tubbo.

There was also a middle aged man with his back against the wall, looking scared. 

But what, or rather,  _ who  _ had caught his attention was the other Technoblade staring at him from beside feral Tubbo.

“Uuhh…”

_ Good job, Technoblade, very eloquent.  _

“Techno? What happened?”

That was Tubbo. Not feral Tubbo, the other Tubbo.

Oh, what the hell.

He called back:

“Well, basically, someone who looks like me, but clearly isn’t me because I’m me is threatening Jay, along with what you would look like if someone ran Carl over you, left you in the woods for about a month, and then handed you my crossbow and told you to go nuts.”

There was silence for a while. Then, Tubbo spoke up again.

“Ask him if he’s still president.”

Then came Tommy’s voice.

“Is there a me there? Hello me! How are you doing, me?!”

The Not-Tommy looked up as he responded.

“Well… I’m not dead. That’s gotta count for something. And, I mean, technically speaking, Tubbo is still president. But… well… I don’t think that really matters anymore. L’manburg is dead by now.”

There was a stunned silence from outside, like everyone was processing what was just said.

Ghostbur finally spoke up.

“But… L’manburg can’t be dead! I live there, and so does Tubbo and Fundy and Quackety and Phil, sometimes, and so did Tommy, but he went off on a vacation with me, so he hasn’t been there in a while.”

Not-Tommy chuckled dryly.

“Sounds like your L’manburg is way better than ours then.”

Tommy could be heard sighing heavily from the hall.

Suddenly, he shoved in front of Techno, ignoring Phil’s cries of “Tommy, no!”, and ended up staring feral Tubbo in the face.

Tommy looked at him for a moment, before wrinkling his nose.

“You look and smell like shit.”

There was an outburst of laughter, both from not-Tommy and Tubbo.

Tubbo spoke first. “Wow, Tommy. You meet me, and all you can say is ‘You look and smell like shit’?”

“Well, he does!” Tommy shot back, defensively.

“Ok, I’m coming in, I need to see this guy.” 

And, with that, Tubbo shoved his way to the front.

The first thing he said was: “Wow… Tommy was right for once. What the fuck happened?”

By now, feral Tubbo had his crossbow trained on Tommy, and Techno figured it was about time to step in.

“Also, why the hell do you have my crossbow? What idiot gave you my crossbow? Who thought that was a good idea?!”

He saw something out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see what it was. Jay, who was still bleeding (although less than before), had a knowing look on her face.

He frowned. 

“What?”

Jay explained.

“Ok, so it’s probably best if I explain this au, which is short for alternate universe. So, Tubbo.”

She directed this last at Tubbo (not feral Tubbo.)

“You know how you sided with Pogtopia in the war against Manburg?”

Tubbo nodded.

“Well, this one.”

She pointed at feral Tubbo, who wore a scowl on his dirt encrusted features. 

“He sided with Schlatt. Sooo, when Schlatt died, well, he’s pretty pissed. So, you know, he goes up, about to become president. And he calls up  _ Technoblade  _ as his vice-president. Now, I’m no politician, but I feel like putting an anarchist at the head of a government is a bad plan. But, I digress. Anyways, so, Techno gets up on stage, Tubbo grabs the Orphan Obliterator, probably says something like ‘It was never meant to be’ and just starts  _ firing  _ into the crowd. Regarding the destruction of L’manburg, that goes the same. I think the only difference in that regard is who kills Wilbur.”

After dropping that bombshell, she went about helping the older man, who had mostly stayed where he was, up, off the floor, while everyone stared at each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the link to the discord server :) Come join us! We do lots of slightly dumb stuff, make way too many aus, and vibe.  
> https://discord.gg/PY6SygWR


	5. Tubbo confusion time, pog!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tws for this chapter: Mentions of manipulation and abuse. It's basically Tommy talking about Dream. It starts when Techno asks why Tommy was in his basement, and ends at "Tommy seemed about to agree..." Stay safe!  
> Also, its a long boi.

Tubbo’s head was whirling. Why was he evil? Why would he have sided with Schlatt? And why would he betray his friends like that? 

Questions spun through his head, as he struggled to process what he had been told. 

Luckly, Tubbo didn’t have to be the first to say anything. Unluckily, Tommy opened his mouth first, and proceeded to berate the other Tubbo.

“Why the hell would you even  _ think  _ that was a good idea?! And why would you side with  _ Schlatt  _ anyways?! The motherfucker was a shit president, he put us all through hell!”

The other Tubbo snarled. “Shut up. You don’t know anything!”

Tommy scoffed. “What do you mean? He literally made you decorate your own funeral!”

“He had a reason! He thought I was working with Wilbur!”

“Still a shit guy!”

“Alright, that’s it!”

The other Tubbo started to bring the crossbow that he had lowered briefly up to Tommy’s face again, but before he could fire, Tubbo jumped in front of him. 

The other boy snarled. “Move.”

Tubbo held his ground. “No. You don’t get to hurt Tommy.”

An oddly creepy smile crossed the other Tubbo’s face: “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to truly die. Without respawning. I assume you’re on your last life, correct? You can find out for me then.”

Before he could do anything though, Phil hurriedly got between them with a nervous laugh.

“Oohh-kayy, let’s not do that. I’m going to just take that…”

He started to tug the crossbow out of the other Tubbo’s hands. With a growl, the younger boy snatched it away, cradling it to his chest.

Techno, who had been mostly silent, rumbled to life.

“Alright, that’s enough of that, I think.”

The piglin hybrid walked over to stand beside Phil, towering over the other Tubbo.

“First off, I’m afraid I can’t let you hurt Tommy. He’s with me until further notice. And, considering that’s  _ my  _ crossbow you’re pointing at me, I would advise you to give it here.”

The other Techno put his hand on the other Tubbo’s shoulder, and addressed Techno.

“Technically mine, actually. And since when do we protect Tommy?”

“Since when do we side with Tubbo?” Techno shot back. “And anyways, if you think I’m going to leave Phil’s kid to die in my basement, you are sorely mistaken.”

“Why was Tommy in your basement in the first place?”

“I… didn’t ask. Why  _ were  _ you in my basement, Tommy?” 

Tommy seemed reluctant to answer: “It’s… a long story. After I was exiled, D-Dream… he stayed with me. He would blow up my things, punish me when I broke the rules… Eventually, I just… left.”

Dream smirked. “And so you’ll have to come back with me when we get back, won’t you.”

Tommy seemed about to agree, but Tubbo cut in before he could. The brunette’s eyes were glazed in un-shed tears.

“No. Tommy’s coming back to L’manburg. You can make all the threats you like, but I refuse to let you get your claws on him again. I failed him once, and I will not fail him twice!”

He was breathing heavily after this little monolog, and all eyes in the room were on him. He looked around at them, as if daring them to try and stop him. When no one did, he sighed heavily, and glared at Dream, who seemed somewhat surprised at the president’s outburst.

Dream opened his mouth, presumably to contradict the other, but Tubbo beat him to it.

“And another thing! That’s my last order as president. When we get back to L’manburg, I’m resigning as president. My vice-president, Quackity, will take my place.”

The aforementioned man looked slightly shocked, but quickly recovered. “Of course.”

Dream opened his mouth again, but Tubbo still wasn’t done. “And lastly, I want to revoke the hunt for Technoblade. If he truly wishes to retire, and lead a peaceful life, then who are we to stop him? In addition, this order must stay in place, even after I have resigned, unless Technoblade breaks his end of the deal, and attempts to attack L’manburg.”

He turned to Techno, who looked quite confused: “Do you agree to these conditions?”

“Er. Yes.”

“Well then, that’s settled!”

Tubbo gave a cheery grin, ignoring the confused looks he got.

By now, Jay had finished helping the older man, and had walked over to see what was happening. She took a look at the situation and sighed. 

“Could someone please take the crossbow away from double-T-Tubbo?”

“Er… double-T-Tubbo?”

“The au is called ‘the Traitor Tubbo au’. I’m not putting ‘Traitor Tubbo’ in front of all your names, and ‘TT’ just sounds kinda weird, so ‘double-T’ it is.”

“Eh. Alright.”

Techno leaned over, and, without much trouble, pulled the crossbow from double-T-Tubbo’s hands. The boy looked scared, and Techno felt rather bad, all things considered. But god only knew what would happen if he kept it, so it had to go.

Jay massaged her temples, forehead creased in thought. 

“Ok, now what am I forgetting? Dad, crossbow… Oh, that’s right! Discord’s gotta be freaking out, gimme a sec!”

With that, the girl ran back out of the room, calling over her shoulder as she went. 

“You guys can head to the living room! I asked Dad to heat up some ftoya, so that should be ready soon!”

And with that, she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are curious, ftoya is a Lebanese food, that consists of swiss chard (or lamb, I think, but I've never had that) surrounded by dough and baked. My dad makes them sometimes, and we use them as additions to lunches.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> -DJ.


	6. Enjoy the calm while it lasts :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it me.  
> Ok, so just so everyone knows, there won't be too many aus, mostly because I'm liable to run out of ideas, plus it can get hard to write.  
> That being said, enjoy this short-ass chapter :D

Jay rushed along the hallway. The voice chat must be freaking out, after all, from their point of view, there had been a scream, and then everyone had run off. 

She heard the chatter before she even got close to the door; the incessant murmuring of worried voices spurring her on.

She rushed in through the door, remembering a bit late that her nose was still gently oozing blood, and that, although it was hard to see against the deep maroon, there was blood that had made its way onto the front of her shirt.

Unsurprisingly, everyone began shouting, trying to make sure she was ok. She grabbed a tissue from her bedside table and, holding it to her nose, began to speak.

“I’m fine you guys, don’t worry! Bit of an unfortunate run-in with that Traitor Tubbo au you made, but I’m ok.”

One of the admins, who was known as ‘Cloudyboi’ spoke up: 

“Jay. Do you mind explaining what exactly is going on here? And why did you have a run-in with the Traitor Tubbo au to begin with? It’s fictional, we all know that.”

Jay raised her eyebrows in a knowing grin. 

“Well, it’s called an alternate universe for a reason, isn’t it? So, somewhere out there, there’s a universe where that’s what happens. You didn’t think those guys who were in here before were fictitious, did you? So, basically, it’s a bunch of alternate universes converging in one spot, also known as my apartment. I’m going to transfer you to my phone and put myself on deafen, ok? That way you’ll either worry a lot more or a little less.”

Without much waiting, Jay hurriedly hung up, getting back into the call immediately, only this time, it was on her phone. The brunette snagged her glasses, flicking them open and shoving them onto her face as she went back down the hall once more. 

Meanwhile, in the small living room, the Dream SMP was getting to know their alternate selves. 

The Phils went over their experiences while the Technos (one of whom had been preemptively disarmed) were arguing about why the other was an absolute buffoon for teaming up with the people they did.

Double-T-Tubbo had been tied up, perhaps overly so, by double-T-Tommy, who didn’t seem keen on letting him escape, and was currently conversing with Tommy and Tubbo. It had to be said, the blonde-haired boy seemed far more cheerful now then he had in ages.

The Ghostburs were chatting happily about everything and nothing at all, and not much could be gleamed, if one were to listen in.

However, no one bothered, too wrapped up in what exactly had gone on with their counterparts.

Jay padded through the living room unnoticed, slipping through to the kitchen, where her dad had been stacking ftoya on a plate. He turned to her.

“So. This has been going on for how long now?”

Jay sighed. “It’s happened… what, twice now? It’s not too big a deal. It just happens.”

“You just got punched in the nose! It’s still bleeding!”

Jay wiped swiftly at her nose. “It’s fine. And we can’t exactly do anything about it, so we might as well try and help.”

Her dad sighed. “Oh, honey…”

“What? Don’t worry about it. And don’t you still have work? You should probably get back to that.”

Her dad’s face tensed in worry. Jay noticed.

“You’ll be able to hear me if I really need help, ok? It’ll be fine.”

Her dad scowled, but left for the back room, which doubled as his office.

Jay took up from where her dad had left off, bringing the plate of ftoya into the living room.

The pastries were quickly snatched up, with few complaints about the somewhat sharp taste of the swiss chard.

Jay smiled and excused herself back to the kitchen, where she put the kettle on for tea. 

She bent down to grab something from under the counter, when she felt something cold and sharp against the small of her back.

A calm, monotone voice spoke from somewhere above her:

“Don’t move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me fuel, and thank you to those who have commented. You guys absolutely make my day.  
> Also, don't be afraid to comment more then once! I love hearing the feedback!


	7. So... gods, eh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a god au, that's about it. Also, for explanation, Schlatt is Tubbo's dad in this, you can pry my found family head cannons from my cold dead fingers.

Wilbur was quite confused, and a wee bit concerned.

Not at Techno, certainly. Given that his brother was the god of blood and war, this wasn’t all that surprising.

No, what confused WIlbur Soot were his surroundings. 

A small kitchen, with an even smaller window looking out across a city. 

Looking around showed him that Schlatt, Dream, Sapnap, George, Karl, Quackety, and Ranboo had been transported here, along with himself, Philza, Techno, Tommy and Tubbo.

A girl was bent down, obviously having been grabbing something from a cabinet, but currently was standing stock still, Techno’s sword lightly resting on her back.

Techno opened his mouth to speak… and was promptly smacked in the face by a potato. 

The blood god stood still for a few minutes, his face frozen.

Whatever his expression was must have been priceless, as the girl, who had been the one to hit him with the potato, broke into peals of laughter, doubled over and gasping for air.

Evidently there were others, as a voice that sounded like Tommy (which was even more concerning, as Tommy was right there with them) came in from down a short, narrow hall.

“Hey, Jay, what’s so funny?”

The girl, evidently Jay, called back:

“It’s another au! Almost certainly a god au! So, what happened is, the Technoblade, right, has a sword up against my back, right? So I hit him in the face with a potato, and now he just has this look on his face, like...”

Jay pressed a hand over her heart dramatically, pretending to swoon.

“Like: ‘I can be harmed??? By  _ mortals??!! _ ’ it’s hilarious. Absolute comedy gold.” 

The description had Tommy and Tubbo giggling like mad, while Wilbur was hard-pressed to contain a snort. A sound from beside him told him that Phil was doing the same, and a voice that sounded like Techno yelled “Hurt by a potato? What a  _ nerd! _ ”

Schlatt’s forehead creased.

“What’s an au? And why does it sound like there’s another Technoblade?”

“Ok, so au is short for alternate universe, and it sounds like there’s another Technoblade, but that’s not true at all.”

“Oh, well then…”

“There’s two.”

“What?”

Jay sighed.

“There are two versions of almost everyone. One is the original, and the other is called the ‘Traitor Tubbo’ au, but I’m going with ‘Double-T’ in front of their names.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

Jay sighed.

“Now, would you mind heading into the living room? I need to fix up the kitchen, and you guys need to go introduce yourselves to the others. Names for the sake of politeness, and domains.”

Schlatt snorted.

“That won’t be necessary, I’m afraid,” he said, as he grabbed Tubbo, who let out a small shriek, “later, suckers! Have fun getting home!”

With that, the god of windows summoned a large window in the middle of the air. He dove through it, still holding on to Tubbo, and the window closed behind him, leaving the entire kitchen in shock.

Or, at least, that’s what would have happened, had the magic worked. Instead, the briefest glimpse of another world; a calm dark forest, sunlight filtering through the canopy, and then the window fizzled into nothingness, leaving a very confused crowd.

Jay coughed into the silence.

“Yeah, um… did I mention magic not working? Yeah, this isn’t a world that can support magic or anything. So, like if you have wings out, that’s fine, but something like… summoning something won’t. For some reason potions also work. I don’t know about enchantments.” 

Tommy snickered, as Wilbur smacked the horned god around the head.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“You deadass just tried to leave us all here? What the hell!”

Jay stepped in and waved the two apart.

“Okay boys, why don’t you  _ actually  _ go to the living room this time. Less fighting, if you don’t mind.”

Grumbling, Schlatt stumped down the hall, the rest of the group following soon after.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't expect regular updates, I have this, along with another hermitcraft fic on the go, so idk about uploads.


End file.
